By
I SAW A LORD
A House of Lords Special
© Paolo Bolzoni, January 2025

I saw a Lord sleeping on a bench
Next to a Baroness who is no wench
Dressed in heavy ancient hose
Reading the PM’s crap in prose
For Sir Larry’s guest can take revenge

Whips buzzing like a bee
Force the Lords on their knees
Barking orders on how to vote
Do as I say, you old dote
Puppet, obey my decree

Lord Bishop the groper
Who thought that was proper
He got instead a swat
He turned to God
How come I was caught?

Lord (Evgeny) Oligarch of Londongrad
Owns the Evening Standard but doesn’t give a tad
Gossip and fake news sacked the circulation
It’s now just a silly weekly edition
Give it a year and it will be a doodad

Baroness (Charlotte) Baby of Alderley Edge
Who shocked the old bats with her young age
Who served Boris the buffoon
And made him see the moon
So he helped his baby on the stage

Baroness (Michelle) Money of PPE
Born in the highlands of Robert Burns
And who honesty strongly spurns
Who is Rishi’s best dearie
All her actions, oh, so dreary

Lord (Charlie) Crooked the king of Ferrari
Jailed for fraud, no party no Campari
Nall-Cain hosted great receptions at Brocket Hall
But drink and drug spoiled it all
Poor chap his life is no longer starry

It’s all an ancient uniform fashion show
The members are sitting in orderly rows
The whips sit in the first
Standing up with a burst
Try stopping the faux

They are not paid a quid
They work for King and Party
Skip sessions whole and hearty
The malts are not what used to be
Yet Thames water is still free

Be warned it’s not always a joke
They hold motions with their claws
They can smack the laws
Demand to add a clause
But only for a very good cause

Auntie Beeb and other channels
Interviews and opinions of the panels
In fierce competition for the audience
Who slowly lose their patience
And take to the streets demanding dismantle

Back in the Chamber the boys and girls
Wave, so bored with all the Earls
And poor Caroline, Mark, and Prem
Who are among the precious gems
Weep for they are not churls.

London
MMXXV AD

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