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BREAKING NEWS
RISHI SUNAK SELLS RATS
© Paolo Bolzoni, April 2024

Devastated by the public uproar caused by the bribes to, and illegal financing of, the Conservatives, Rishi Sunak set up RATS PLC.
The Board of Directors consists of:
Chairman - Narendra Modi,
Executive - Director Akshata Murty,
Director and Chief Financial Robber - Jeremy Hunt,
Director and Chief Clown - Rishi Sunak.

The company is listed on the Bombay and Moscow Robber Exchange.
99% of the share capital are floating shares.
Launched with a massive 500 million quids campaign, financed by Londongrad, RATS PLC sells rats to fund the Conservative Party.

The rats on offer come in three flavours:
1. No name rats at 59.99 quids each.
2. Premium “Sir Ed” rats at 999.99 quids each. Premium rats come with the guarantee of a Knighthood.
3. Grand “Sir Keir” rats at 9,999,99 quids each. Grand rats come with the guarantee of a Life Peerage at the Lords.

To save on cattle maintenance, the rats were intended to feed the small boats refugees waiting for deportation to Rwanda.
Following the widespread uproar against the Rwanda plan, Haiti agreed to purchase the refugees at 50 pence each, as practice shooting target for street gangs.
The rats will keep the small boats refugees alive during the deportation in cattle cargo to the Haitian paradise.

NEWS UPDATE

Only the members of the 1922 Committee, and Akshata Murty, purchased the rats, all at the discounted price of 1 quid.

The small boat refugees went on hunger strike, chanting:
“We are not cannibals, we won’t eat our siblings!”

The Conservative Party, sued by all TV channels and newspapers for unpaid ads bills, went bankrupt, was dissolved, and will have no candidates at the upcoming General Election.

Rishi Sunak fled to Modi, and performs as court buffoon.
Akshata Murty fled to Miami, and became adviser to Donald Trump.
Liz-ard Trust and Cruella Evilman had a sumptuous free meal.

RISHI SUNAK SELLS RATS 

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